The Art of the Little Black Dress by Kick Ass AJ

Every woman (and drag queen) needs a Little Black Dress. It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 87, nothing says “I’m superclassy and have my shizzit together” like a LBD (side note: if you’re still getting dressed up and going out on the town when you’re 87, good for you and I want to be just like you when I get there). The right LBD can be paired with a pair of sexy heels and some drippy earrings for a formal event or dressed down with some cute flats and a cardigan for work or Sunday brunch.

Around the holidays, the LBD Brigade is out in force. The number of parties, galas, soirees, and fests thrown skyrockets this time of year, and you should be armed with a LBD and a bunch of accessories for whatever invitations may come your way. To help you kick ass this Christmahannukwanza I’ve come up with a few tips for dressing your fabulous figure as well as some awesome dresses under $50. If you don’t find one you like on this list, my first inclination would be to send you out trolling the thrift stores in your area. LBDs are so ubiquitous that you’re bound to find a few you like.

Tips for Trimming Your Sexy Figure (and by “trimming” I mean decorating, not slimming. Christmahannukwanza is NO time to start a new diet. Trust me.)

  1. Don’t show too much skin. I’m not trying to be prudish here, but you’ll look best if you choose one or two areas of skin to show. Legs, arms, back or décolletage, but not all four. Please. (another side note: I introduced the word “décolletage” to my boyfriend and now it’s his new favorite thing. Boys are weird.)
  2. Same goes for jewelry. If you have statement jewelry—such as a big, gorgeous necklace or some luxurious, dangly earrings—don’t make them compete with one another (or with the fabulousness that is simply you).
  3. A scoop-neck, A-line dress like this looks good on everyone. The red tights are optional, but definitely fun if you’re looking to add some color to your look.
  4. Choose the right length. Most women look best in dresses that hit right above or below the knee. If you go too short, you’re at risk of pulling a Britney Spears; if you go too long then your legs could end up looking short and stubby.

And now, on to the fashion show:

  1. Tulle the World dress from ModCloth
  2. Alexis One-Shoulder dress from Delia*s (this one comes in blue, too)
  3. Black Eyelet-Bust Halter dress from Torrid
  4. Merona Taffeta Party dress from Target
  5. Veil of Midnight dress from ModCloth (this one is MY favorite)
  6. ¾ Sleeve Ruffled dress from Old Navy
  7. Black White Dot Print Bow-Detail Pick-Up dress from Torrid ( love the skirt on this one)
  8. Merona Square-Neck dress from Target
  9. Mesh with Perfection dress from ModCloth
  10. Mossimo V-Neck dress from Target (love me some Target, can you tell?)

Have fun at all of your parties. Remember, friends don’t let friends get drunk and bring home ugly men.

 

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