Archive for ‘Ass Kicking Tips’

December 8, 2010

The Art of the Little Black Dress by Kick Ass AJ

Every woman (and drag queen) needs a Little Black Dress. It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 87, nothing says “I’m superclassy and have my shizzit together” like a LBD (side note: if you’re still getting dressed up and going out on the town when you’re 87, good for you and I want to be just like you when I get there). The right LBD can be paired with a pair of sexy heels and some drippy earrings for a formal event or dressed down with some cute flats and a cardigan for work or Sunday brunch.

Around the holidays, the LBD Brigade is out in force. The number of parties, galas, soirees, and fests thrown skyrockets this time of year, and you should be armed with a LBD and a bunch of accessories for whatever invitations may come your way. To help you kick ass this Christmahannukwanza I’ve come up with a few tips for dressing your fabulous figure as well as some awesome dresses under $50. If you don’t find one you like on this list, my first inclination would be to send you out trolling the thrift stores in your area. LBDs are so ubiquitous that you’re bound to find a few you like.

Tips for Trimming Your Sexy Figure (and by “trimming” I mean decorating, not slimming. Christmahannukwanza is NO time to start a new diet. Trust me.)

  1. Don’t show too much skin. I’m not trying to be prudish here, but you’ll look best if you choose one or two areas of skin to show. Legs, arms, back or décolletage, but not all four. Please. (another side note: I introduced the word “décolletage” to my boyfriend and now it’s his new favorite thing. Boys are weird.)
  2. Same goes for jewelry. If you have statement jewelry—such as a big, gorgeous necklace or some luxurious, dangly earrings—don’t make them compete with one another (or with the fabulousness that is simply you).
  3. A scoop-neck, A-line dress like this looks good on everyone. The red tights are optional, but definitely fun if you’re looking to add some color to your look.
  4. Choose the right length. Most women look best in dresses that hit right above or below the knee. If you go too short, you’re at risk of pulling a Britney Spears; if you go too long then your legs could end up looking short and stubby.

And now, on to the fashion show:

  1. Tulle the World dress from ModCloth
  2. Alexis One-Shoulder dress from Delia*s (this one comes in blue, too)
  3. Black Eyelet-Bust Halter dress from Torrid
  4. Merona Taffeta Party dress from Target
  5. Veil of Midnight dress from ModCloth (this one is MY favorite)
  6. ¾ Sleeve Ruffled dress from Old Navy
  7. Black White Dot Print Bow-Detail Pick-Up dress from Torrid ( love the skirt on this one)
  8. Merona Square-Neck dress from Target
  9. Mesh with Perfection dress from ModCloth
  10. Mossimo V-Neck dress from Target (love me some Target, can you tell?)

Have fun at all of your parties. Remember, friends don’t let friends get drunk and bring home ugly men.

 

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December 8, 2010

Kicking Ass… With Your Face by Kick Ass Lindsey

This holiday season as you find yourself kicking ass doing various things, don’t forget to kick ass sporting a nice face. Even if you’re going grocery shopping you can kick ass in style and make yourself polished without spending a ton of time. All the products that you need you probably already have!

Here’s what you’ll need:

Dark eye shadow shade
Highlight eye shadow shade
Mascara
Eyeliner
Blush
Lip Gloss

Step 1: Highlight your entire eyelid up to the brow bone with a light shimmery highlight shade.

Step 2: Take a darker shade (preferably brown) and put that shade over the lid into the crease.

Step 3: Using eyeliner, line the top of the lid near the lash line. Gel or liquid eyeliner works best, but if you’re not used to using that, a pencil will work too.

Step 4: Lightly line the lower lash line. Do not make this dark and heavy. You are going out during the day, this is not cocktail hour.

Step 5: Apply two coats of mascara. As you apply, wiggle the brush a little to ensure you’re lashes don’t stick together and you apply evenly.

Step 6: Take a little bit of blush, and high light you’re cheek bones. It’s easiest if you suck in your cheeks to make a fish face then lightly spread it on. Do NOT put on a lot of blush. You don’t want to end up looking like a clown.

Step 7: Apply some lip gloss and head out the door!

Remember, just because you’re going grocery shopping or gift shopping or even cleaning your house, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to look good. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you can kick a lot more ass. And that, my friends is what its all about.

Here are some suggested products that can be purchased at any drugstore without costing an arm and a leg.

L’Oreal Hip Eye shadow duos $6-7 depending where you shop. Multiple color selections.
http://www.walgreens.com/store/store/product/product_details.jsp?skuId=sku6027350&id=prod4158675

Maybelline Gel Eyeliner (Comes with brush, extremely user friendly) $6
http://www.maybelline.com/Product/Eye/EyeLiner/eye-studio-lasting-drama-liquid-gel-liner.htm

Cover Girl Lash Blast Fusion Mascara (AMAZING) $8
http://www.covergirl.com/products/product.jsp?productId=lashblast_fusion_mascara

Maybelline Shine Sensational Lipgloss (Cranberry and Grape are wonderful shades) $6
http://www.maybelline.com/Product/Lip/LipGloss/shine-sensational-lip-gloss.htm

December 8, 2010

Ten Kick Ass Homemade Presents Even You Can Make by Kick Ass Katie

We like to do a homemade Christmas in my family with most of the gifts being- yup, you guessed it- homemade. I’m not sure how this started. Maybe we wanted to save money, or brag about how we are better than you by being more eco-friendly and creative, but never fear my friends – you might be the least crafty person alive, but I guarantee you can do one of these homemade Christmas gifts! Pick your poison and kick some homemade Christmas Ass this year. Bragging rights are endlessly yours!!

10. Some Guy’s Salsa: Or whatever kind of food it is you might be famous for. In these parts, my husband makes his famous salsa and we fill recycled jars that once held tomato sauce or pickles with it and gift it to friends and family.

9. Camera Strap Cover: This one is for your favorite photographer:http://www.everythingetsy.com/2010/06/camera-strap-tutorial-guest-post-priddy-creations-giveaway/. All you need is the most basic of sewing skills and you will be on your way to a kick ass creation.

8. Fake Mustache on a Stick: Know a little boy who likes to play dress up? Have an upcoming costume party? Sad because No Shave November is over and you are wondering how’d you look with a mustache? This little tutorial will save your day:http://www.simplymodernmom.com/2009/09/fake-mustaches-on-a-stick/.

7. Vintage Doily Votives: Take that Yankee Candle present up a notch this year. Head out to your local thrift store for a clear glass jar, snag some doilies at the fabric store, get out that hot glue gun, but don’t burn yourself – it hurts like hell when you do – and make your favorite candle lover a beautiful present:http://www.creaturecomfortsblog.com/home/2009/12/17/diy-vintage-doily-votives-by-christine-chitnis.html.

6. Reusable Produce Bags: Green is the new black, of course, so go green this Christmas! Gift some reusable produce bags and your friends and family will be the envy of the grocery store. Just google “Reusable Produce Bags” and find your favorite tutorial. I used strong netting and made simple drawstring pouches of various sizes with pretty ribbons.

5. Felt Dress Up Dolls: Think paper dolls meet Sunday School flannel board and you’ve got the perfect present for every little girl on your list. There are four on mine, so I considered $6 a worthy investment and purchased this pattern off of etsy:http://www.etsy.com/listing/59714927/matilda-dress-up-doll-pdf-pattern. Grab your scissors, a good movie, and get to cutting! Average cost per niece? Just about $3 or so.

4. Flower Pin: You will want to do a little research on felting, but hit up your local thrift store once again, score yourself some sketchy 100% wool sweaters, throw them in a hot, hot water wash, then in the hot, hot dryer and then cut that sweater up to make this pretty pin! You’ll need a hot glue gun, a pin backing, and some cute beads or buttons, but this is a no sewing required project:http://www.etsy.com/listing/62542166/salefive-flower-cluster-pin-dark-pink. (I like to steal ideas from etsy).

3. Felted Coffee Sleeve: Starbucks makes theirs from recycled materials, but they still get thrown away. Make this for any coffee lover you know and reduce that carbon footprint this winter! Just take that sleeve of the sweater you felted, cut off the cuff, add some cute embellishments if you so desire and voila! Go to etsy.com and do a felted coffee sleeve search for inspiration.

2. Tie Onesie: You can’t go wrong with this adorable tutorial for the baby boys on your Christmas list. You could even put it on a t-shirt for that toddler who is finally out of onesies. No sewing required for this one either, just pull out the iron you hate to use (or is that just me) and you can whip these out in no time: http://www.crapivemade.com/2009/03/appliqued-tie-onesie.html.

1. Cashmere Mittens & Hat: It gets cold here in NY. Luckily cashmere sweaters can usually be found at the Salvation Army and you can take on this simple sewing project to recycle it and gift something super soft and luxurious for mere dollars to that someone special on your Christmas list:http://www.onepearlbutton.com/2008/11/recycled-luxury-sweater-to-long-mittens.html.